I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
