It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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