at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
