i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
