why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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