i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
