First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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