why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
