the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
