Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
