omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
