Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My vagina just clenched in fear
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