I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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