did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
