How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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