i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
