y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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