For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
