What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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