he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
