woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
