She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
