4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
