Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
