It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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