Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
