I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
