so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
