All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's the barista slut.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
