I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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