If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
