I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
