Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
