The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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