Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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