Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
