He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
