You work out of a Hotel?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
