I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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