how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
