Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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