They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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