Sober January is a disaster.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
