No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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