I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
