I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Shame - the story of my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
