Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
