Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
