I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
