i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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