I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
