I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
